Generosity Matters | ADHD and Marriage

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“In a year defined by loss and isolation, generosity is both medicinal and contagious.  Caring for one another can reduce stress, decrease depression, restore a sense of self-worth and improve physical health.”

-Nancy Gibbs, Time Magazine

When you’re struggling, it’s hard to feel generous.  COVID hasn’t helped because, let’s face it, 24/7 time together can be grating.  Yet, when I think about which couples turn their relationships around, nurturing a spirit of generosity is a key factor.

Generosity towards one’s partner doesn’t just happen, particularly when things are difficult.  You have to think about it.  Build it.  Reflect on who you, yourself, wish to be.  Consciously add generous moments to your relationship.  Yet inconsistency, chronic resentment, parent-child dynamics all push back – tempting you to give in to the negative feelings and nurture those, instead.

Fight back!  The choice to nurture generosity has a huge impact in your daily life.  Here are some examples of how you might be more generous:

  • Though your partner has been pretty good lately about not parenting you, she lays into you about getting the taxes done. 
    • Generous response: Rather than assume she’s reverting to old patterns, assume she had a bad day.  Assure her you are getting to the taxes on X day and ask her if there is anything else she might need.
  • Your partner is working with a coach and getting more things ‘right.’  But he still makes some mistakes that are driving you crazy. 
    • Generous response: Acknowledge his progress rather than critiquing his continued challenges, and use your own gratitude journal to connect with the positive.
  • You ask your partner to tell you he loves you and he responds in an unsatisfying, ‘clunky’ way that doesn’t align with what you had expected. 
    • Generous response: instead of following feelings of resentment or hopelessness, remind yourself that your partner didn’t communicate using the words you had expected, but was still trying to tell you how much they loved you.  Do some positive interpretation…and perhaps talk with them about your love language some time in the future.

Generosity in ADHD-impacted relationships comes in the form of taming negative responses, looking for deeper meaning, refraining from judging your partner’s approach, and seeking to express affection.  All of these are the basis for genuine gain for you both.

How could you be more generous in your relationship?

 

STARTING TOMORROW APRIL 7TH – Need help in your ADHD impacted relationship? The ADHD Effect 8-session live Couples’ Seminar has helped many, many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. Register TODAY! Repair your marriage & learn to thrive now!

Managing Emotions and Triggers In Adults Group – Starts April 21st. Implement and practice emotion-management strategies so that you begin to integrate them into your life. 10 people meet virtually once a week for 8 week.

Free VIRTUAL OFFICE HOURS with me to support you during the COVID-19 crisis:
Tues, April 13:  7:00 – 8:30pm EASTERN
Mon, April 19:  12:30 – 1:30pm EASTERN
Thurs, April 22:  5:30 – 6:30pm EASTERN

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! Find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals.

Resources

Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples’ course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples’ Seminar – This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next live session STARTS TOMORROW APRIL 7TH

Support Tele-groups – Be part of a community exploring similar issues, successes and struggles and find new, effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group.

How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD – go to the home page for a free download about the best ways to manage ADHD.

Question? Contact Melissa.

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