Are you a people pleaser? When your partner asks you to do something, do you say ‘yes’ and pretend to agree even if you would prefer to say no? Even if by saying yes you feel resentful?
If so, that’s probably not in your best interests. Yes, it feels better in the moment because you avoid a confrontation. But on the other hand, the other end of that habit of agreeing too much could be chronic resentment that your partner was too demanding. It could be you start to imagine your partner is ‘making’ you do something you didn’t want to, even though you are complicit by agreeing when you don’t want to. Or perhaps you don’t end up actually following through, since you weren’t really invested, and then are faced with your partner’s anger or resentment about your lack of action.
Perhaps not following through happens a lot in your relationship. And you lose your partner’s trust. That’s really hard to repair, and it feels awful. If your partner doesn’t trust you s/he is much more likely to monitor what you’re doing, making you feel small and disrespected.
Phew! That a lot of bad stuff that happens when you say ‘yes’ when you don’t really mean it.
I bring the consequences of agreeing when you don’t actually agree forward because they need to be seen. While it feels good to say ‘yes’ if you want to avoid conflict…it’s not good for your relationship.
What would be better? Respectfully expressing your own opinion, and having both partners develop the skill set necessary to negotiate the differences of their opinions without rancor. It would take practice, but you could do it!
Are you saying ‘yes’ too often instead of ‘let’s talk’?
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Support Tele-groups – Be part of a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other’s successes and struggles; and find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group.
How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD – go to the home page for a free download about the best ways to manage ADHD.
Question? Contact Melissa.