How often did I say to myself things such as:
• ‘if my husband isn’t going to do X, then why should I do Y?’
• ‘why should I say thank you when he doesn’t do the dishes like he’s supposed to? What about his recognizing my hard work?!’
• ‘he just hurt me…I don’t really care if I hurt him back…’
Chances are, you’ve at least had those thoughts, too. The problem is, the person who is hurt by these thoughts is you AND your partner. When you withhold generous feelings or stop showing appreciation you are cutting off your partner. The more you cut off your partner, the less connected you are. That hurts both of you. And is no way to get the affectionate, loving relationship you want.
ADHD has never been ‘corrected’ or improved by punishment or revenge. Ever.
I know why I thought those things – I was exhausted. Frustrated. Angry. But still, that sort of revenge (and did my husband even notice it, anyway?!) was digging a grave for our marriage instead of building the affectionate relationship we wanted.
I tell partners – both ADHD and non-ADHD partners – not to let your struggles and frustrations turn you into a person you don’t like or respect. Don’t let your frustration keep you from showing appreciation when it’s due. Or saying thank you for the effort your partner puts in. Don’t cut your connections as ‘revenge’…you are only digging two graves when you do so.
My Live Seminar Starts THIS WEDNESDAY
If you’ve been thinking about taking my couples seminar, given by phone, the Fall session starts this week on Wednesday evening (9/16) at 8:00 pm.
It’s a great seminar that has helped many couples – the details are at this link, including dates, overview and registration. I’ve tried to make this seminar as easy to take as possible, because I’m dedicated to getting you the information and tools that can help you change your lives together. So it’s by phone. I answer all of your relationship questions during the seminar (ALL of them…I promise). I record the sessions so if you miss one you can listen later. And I offer a full, 100% refund up to the third session so you can try it out and see if you like it with no risk.
I really want to give you the tools to improve your relationship. Learn more. Questions? Please contact me. Melissa
Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life! Find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals.
Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples’ course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples’ Seminar – This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The live session starts Sept 16th, 2020.
Support Tele-groups – Be part of a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other’s successes and struggles; and find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group and ADHD New Habit Coaching Group.
How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD – go to the home page for a free download about the best ways to manage ADHD.
Question? Contact Melissa.